梦；意味着什么？
今天很安稳的睡了个午觉，醒来心情却有些沉重。
首先，梦对我来说是很普片的事。
一个星期七天，至少有四天我是会发梦的。
各种各样的梦，从我懂事以来一直都是这样。
不少的梦也成了事实，让我常常怀疑梦境会不会发生。
渐渐的，我大概能分辨哪些是日有所思的，
哪些是心理不安心的，哪些有可能成真的。
可是永远有个问题，就是我都无法好好记住那些梦...
直到一天，现实生活的场景有似曾相似的感觉才发现原来在梦里出现过。
我相信，某些梦境是一种预兆。
所以今天这个短短的梦，我很好奇它在意味着一段什么未来。
梦里的我身穿连衣裙，站在一旁听着一班同学在跟着电视荧幕大合唱。
一开始我以为他们是对着一位刚分手的姐妹唱的...
可是一番捣蛋后，不知为何转向了我。
我的小学兼中学男同学，看着我，等着我一起唱。
我似乎好像明白了什么，就跟着唱起来...
我们互相还比了个大拇指给对方。
然后，我勉强的唱着，笑着，但却流泪了。
被叫醒后，那个感觉还犹存。
其实很想继续睡，想看看到底梦里之后怎么了。
因此，心情有些沉重。
比起一场梦，更像是一个未知的先兆。
为何朋友们都在？为何他们等着我一起唱？
为何会唱一首我不熟悉歌词的歌？为何唱着唱着就哭了？
为何还勉强的笑着？
也许我也想多了，也许你可以说这只是一场梦。
可是不止一次，我也以为只是一场梦...
事后几年确实在现实生活中发生了。
醒来立刻搜寻了那首，我在现实生活里不懂歌词的歌...
By2 的《不哭了》
歌词是这样的...
不哭了 不哭了
现在我一个人不哭了
看着你最爱看的电影哼着你的歌
不苦了 不苦了
何必为不值得而哭呢
谢谢你 让我明白失去你 才会快乐
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
对于这段梦，我想好好记住...
因为我觉得这就是暴风雨的前夕。
我日后的路，很有可能会一步一步迈向这个梦境，与现实交集。
Thursday, April 2, 2020
Tuesday, March 31, 2020
At This Moment
Reason coming back here - Movement Control Order due to Covid-19.
It's been seven years since the last post. I can't even remember why I stopped.
Changed jobs, left jobs...Got married, no kids...Friends left, friends returned.
Read many of my old posts, and never thought I could write some of it...
Don't remember I wrote them either.
At this moment, a lot of thoughts are running through my mind.
Yet I can't seem to sort it all out in words.
Where should I start?
In Life, I am still lost.
After 30 years of living, I can say I am more lost than ever.
I can't seem to focus on anything, and it's not that I don't want to...
I just can't find the purpose of life.
I envy the people who are clear of their path, whether is for wealth, health, passion or fame.
I envy the people who are happy at where they are, whether they have those things or not.
I envy the people who has dreams, and even more to the people who dares to chase their dreams.
Me? I feel like I'm still where I am, yet I also feel like I've come a long way.
In Relationship, I am cold as ice.
All the magnificent feelings are somehow not there anymore.
All that's left is somewhat keeping company for each other.
No more skipping heartbeats, no more wild choices...
No more saying I miss you everyday, no more saying I love you every night.
Empty on the inside, and cold as winter in January on the outside.
Though the spark is not all gone, I'm still waiting for him to light it up again.
However, I'm afraid someone else might accidentally light it up and still leave without reason.
In Friendship, I've learned to let go...Learning, to let go.
A 26 years friendship, left without a proper discussion.
Yet during this MCO, we finally confronted each other.
Although it might not be the same as before, but it felt like a heavy rock has thrown out from the heart.
I feel glad that it's not all gone to waste, I feel glad that we can talk to each other about many things again, I feel glad there's somebody to talk to when no one else is there to listen.
An 11 years friendship, suddenly took a turn to somewhere beyond my imagination.
All the things that happened between us, I've dealt with it as a good friend.
All the moments where my mind went astray, I kept it to myself just so it wouldn't contaminate our friendship.
But time is a funny thing. Faith is always being tested.
All sorts of questions surfaced, all sorts of curiosity risen, all sorts of feelings flowing in.
Then suddenly, as if a strong wind came and blew all the clouds away...
No words, no explanation...nothing.
And then I realised, the MCO shouldn't only control our whereabouts, it should also control our words, our actions, and our feelings.
Though the friendship still stays in my heart, people come and go.
The ones I thought I had close bonds with doesn't seem to be there anymore.
The ones I thought it would disappear someday, texted me and told me they miss me instead.
I've been told to let it be, let it go. I told them it's easier said than done.
But no matter what lies ahead, we all still move on with our lives, alone.
Nobody can help us if we don't want to be helped.
Nobody can stop us if we decide to go for it.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
There's still a lot on my mind, but damn it feels good to type again.
It's been seven years since the last post. I can't even remember why I stopped.
Changed jobs, left jobs...Got married, no kids...Friends left, friends returned.
Read many of my old posts, and never thought I could write some of it...
Don't remember I wrote them either.
At this moment, a lot of thoughts are running through my mind.
Yet I can't seem to sort it all out in words.
Where should I start?
In Life, I am still lost.
After 30 years of living, I can say I am more lost than ever.
I can't seem to focus on anything, and it's not that I don't want to...
I just can't find the purpose of life.
I envy the people who are clear of their path, whether is for wealth, health, passion or fame.
I envy the people who are happy at where they are, whether they have those things or not.
I envy the people who has dreams, and even more to the people who dares to chase their dreams.
Me? I feel like I'm still where I am, yet I also feel like I've come a long way.
In Relationship, I am cold as ice.
All the magnificent feelings are somehow not there anymore.
All that's left is somewhat keeping company for each other.
No more skipping heartbeats, no more wild choices...
No more saying I miss you everyday, no more saying I love you every night.
Empty on the inside, and cold as winter in January on the outside.
Though the spark is not all gone, I'm still waiting for him to light it up again.
However, I'm afraid someone else might accidentally light it up and still leave without reason.
In Friendship, I've learned to let go...Learning, to let go.
A 26 years friendship, left without a proper discussion.
Yet during this MCO, we finally confronted each other.
Although it might not be the same as before, but it felt like a heavy rock has thrown out from the heart.
I feel glad that it's not all gone to waste, I feel glad that we can talk to each other about many things again, I feel glad there's somebody to talk to when no one else is there to listen.
An 11 years friendship, suddenly took a turn to somewhere beyond my imagination.
All the things that happened between us, I've dealt with it as a good friend.
All the moments where my mind went astray, I kept it to myself just so it wouldn't contaminate our friendship.
But time is a funny thing. Faith is always being tested.
All sorts of questions surfaced, all sorts of curiosity risen, all sorts of feelings flowing in.
Then suddenly, as if a strong wind came and blew all the clouds away...
No words, no explanation...nothing.
And then I realised, the MCO shouldn't only control our whereabouts, it should also control our words, our actions, and our feelings.
Though the friendship still stays in my heart, people come and go.
The ones I thought I had close bonds with doesn't seem to be there anymore.
The ones I thought it would disappear someday, texted me and told me they miss me instead.
I've been told to let it be, let it go. I told them it's easier said than done.
But no matter what lies ahead, we all still move on with our lives, alone.
Nobody can help us if we don't want to be helped.
Nobody can stop us if we decide to go for it.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
There's still a lot on my mind, but damn it feels good to type again.
Monday, March 18, 2013
The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost ; The Paths to Change by ME
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry i could not travel both
And be one traveler, long i stood
And looked down one as far as i could
To where is bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, i kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if i should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two road diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Robert Frost
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two roads split in a city jungle,
Sorry one could not continue to gamble.
One path only leaves to the strong that stands,
But does not mean the ones who left are weak.
The path chosen no longer here,
The ones who knew no longer near.
While one stood and think of leaving,
Some stays and think this is living.
Changing paths are not the easiest,
Though continuing the wrong path would be hardest.
The road not taken has not only one,
Another route still awaits to be walked by one.
One do not know if its the right decision,
But does not hesitate it is the conclusion.
For one to live happily ever after is not fiction,
Though it is one that is worth the risk for this option.
And sorry i could not travel both
And be one traveler, long i stood
And looked down one as far as i could
To where is bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, i kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if i should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two road diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Robert Frost
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two roads split in a city jungle,
Sorry one could not continue to gamble.
One path only leaves to the strong that stands,
But does not mean the ones who left are weak.
The path chosen no longer here,
The ones who knew no longer near.
While one stood and think of leaving,
Some stays and think this is living.
Changing paths are not the easiest,
Though continuing the wrong path would be hardest.
The road not taken has not only one,
Another route still awaits to be walked by one.
One do not know if its the right decision,
But does not hesitate it is the conclusion.
For one to live happily ever after is not fiction,
Though it is one that is worth the risk for this option.
Tick Tock On The Clock
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Sometimes, I Believe...
It's been a long long time since i wrote.
I have no idea, what is meaningful,
and what is meaningless through out the year.
The things that i care, it didnt seem to be important anymore...
The things that i dont used to care, seem so important.
Truth is, i never regretted anything, because it only depends on how we see it.
In 2012, i've made a different decision, and went to a different path.
I've seen different things, i've grown, i've experience many different situations.
I did not regret a single second that i've chosen it, but sometimes...
Just sometimes, if we didnt try at all, we wouldnt know if its right for us.
What is it that makes us stay together actually? Money or feelings?
The bond grows stronger day by day,
though i have to admit that the heartaches are still here.
Sometimes i wonder... If i were to fail, would anyone raise me up again?
Sometimes i wonder... If i were to leave, would anyone ask me to stay?
Sometimes i wonder many many things...but somehow....
Somehow i know, the only one that can bring me back up, its ME.
Somehow i know, the only one that can make me stay, its ME.
Somehow i know, everyone would eventually move on,
because its always been that way... Including ME.
This 3rd day of 2013, headaches are more than heartaches.
Since everyone moves on for a better future, so will I.
He kept reminding me, "consider your own future first."
I understand, the best for me is what i do best.
I understand, a place that does not lay golden eggs has no value.
I understand, feelings dont feed.
I understand, there will always be rumors.
I understand, old friends remain and new ones will come along.
I understand, it wont be such a big deal if i just think about myself for once.
I understand, im one year older again, i cannot be this way forever.
I understand, if i dont change now would just be a waste of time later on.
I understand, this could be one of the biggest decision in my life.
I believe being better, doesnt mean is really me.
I believe being the real me, feels so much better.
I believe being able to do the things i like is one of my happiest times.
I believe in many things, but i've also lost my belief in some things except God.
I believe this would be a different kind of path, different kind of journey.
I believe this would be another way, another hope.
I believe, i still believe....
I have no idea, what is meaningful,
and what is meaningless through out the year.
The things that i care, it didnt seem to be important anymore...
The things that i dont used to care, seem so important.
Truth is, i never regretted anything, because it only depends on how we see it.
In 2012, i've made a different decision, and went to a different path.
I've seen different things, i've grown, i've experience many different situations.
I did not regret a single second that i've chosen it, but sometimes...
Just sometimes, if we didnt try at all, we wouldnt know if its right for us.
What is it that makes us stay together actually? Money or feelings?
The bond grows stronger day by day,
though i have to admit that the heartaches are still here.
Sometimes i wonder... If i were to fail, would anyone raise me up again?
Sometimes i wonder... If i were to leave, would anyone ask me to stay?
Sometimes i wonder many many things...but somehow....
Somehow i know, the only one that can bring me back up, its ME.
Somehow i know, the only one that can make me stay, its ME.
Somehow i know, everyone would eventually move on,
because its always been that way... Including ME.
This 3rd day of 2013, headaches are more than heartaches.
Since everyone moves on for a better future, so will I.
He kept reminding me, "consider your own future first."
I understand, the best for me is what i do best.
I understand, a place that does not lay golden eggs has no value.
I understand, feelings dont feed.
I understand, there will always be rumors.
I understand, old friends remain and new ones will come along.
I understand, it wont be such a big deal if i just think about myself for once.
I understand, im one year older again, i cannot be this way forever.
I understand, if i dont change now would just be a waste of time later on.
I understand, this could be one of the biggest decision in my life.
I believe being better, doesnt mean is really me.
I believe being the real me, feels so much better.
I believe being able to do the things i like is one of my happiest times.
I believe in many things, but i've also lost my belief in some things except God.
I believe this would be a different kind of path, different kind of journey.
I believe this would be another way, another hope.
I believe, i still believe....
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